I wanted to tell you about a girl who was... um...a problem? It is kinda old news now, and I have made my decision, but at the time it was hell. Shortly before Halloween, I met this girl named Erica. I knew that she had a boyfriend, but she was hot, and I wanted her to like me. So, I pulled out the old high school tricks, and did my best to impress her. I didn't lie to her...just showed her the side I thought she would like best. It worked too well. By the end of that first day, she was begging me to make out with her. I found it very amusing. She had never been rejected before and she didn't like it. She tried to nonchalantly kiss me as we were flirting with each other. When I pulled away, she went into shock. I guess everyone else saw this too and started laughing at her. That part I felt bad about. The rest of the night she spent trying to convince me how much she liked me. Her game was strong, lol. I saw right through her though. She is very manipulative. She knows too well the power that women hold over men. I guess I became a challenge for her. I wanted to believe the things she told me. I wanted to believe that I was wrong about her. I was sick that first week after meeting her. Loss of appetite, nausea, mild depression, and various other cliches. I went to see our doctor after the fifth day because I was sure that it had to be the flu. No way was this girl getting to me. But alas, my doc said that my sickness must be coming from stress because everything checked out fine. Then she (doc) asked me why I was giving this girl such power over me. I couldn't answer. Well, I wasn't going to tell her anyways. How do you explain to a stranger that you are lonely, and when a beautiful girl starts saying all the things that you want to hear, you want to give in, but you know that she comes with too much baggage? It was right around this time that I started figuring out that she was an alcoholic. Every-time her and I went out we ended up at a bar, and then her boyfriend would show up and drag her home. She tried to get me to fight him a few times. Finally, I stopped talking to her. I tried to push her out of my mind, but mutual friends would bring her up. Then about two months ago, I came home and she was there(here). I recognized her perfume before I saw her. I missed her. I hated myself for missing her. We talked for about twenty minutes before she had to go to her AA meeting. Thanks to her second DUI, she now has to go. As I thought she would, she called me and asked me out to dinner the next time her boyfriend was stuck on the ship (he is in the Navy too). We went out had a bottle of wine with dinner, decided to grab some more wine and watch some movies at her place. We went through another two bottles, and didn't make it past the first movie before she led me into the bedroom. It was the worst ten minutes of my life, lol. The whole time I kept asking myself, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Finally after (she is calling right now,lol) ten minutes we stopped. I was so mad! I couldn't believe that she seduced me, and I fell for it. She passed out about twenty minutes later and I left. I went to a bar, and started drinking. As I sat there trying to figure out why women do things like that, these two girls start hitting on me. This would have normally cheered me up, except that they had their dates/boyfriends standing right there with them. I was totally trashed. I ended up getting pulled over that night. I don't know how I always manage to get away with seeming sober. I guess it helps that I tell them I was drinking. lol I have passed two field sobriety tests and let go when I knew that I was well beyond what should be safe. So now you are up to date, sort of. She is back to drinking just as much as before the DUI, and now engaged to her boyfriend. She still whispers those sweet nothings, but now I have anger to hold her away. I told her I just wanted to be friends so many times but apparently she doesn't care. She invites a bunch of people out just so I will go out with her. She wants a bunch of us to go over for dinner and movies tonight. One part of me wants to go. I crave the attention, even if it is from the wrong women. Another part wants to go get drunk and wallow. Her presence is a constant reminder of how lonely I am. It is like she knows it and rubs it in. But I know that is not true, just my imagination. I wish you were here, so you could help me make her jealous, lol. But that would just be more games. Although, it would still make me smile to see the look on her face.

This is my life. Pretty sad huh? I am 26yo now. Time seems to be flying by. Faster than I want it to go. Were am I headed?