*My Journey To Happiness*

Tuesday, 22 March 2005

Well. I know that it has been foreeeever since my last post. For that I am sorry, and feel a little guilty that I didn't make time sooner.

I moved into my new apartment on the sixth of this month. The apartment complex feels a little ghetto, but my apartment will be amazing. I am broke right now. It has been a long time since I have said that. I have been putting all my money into that place. It feels odd having my own place, aquiring furniture and household goods. I still need a lot of things though. I bought my bed last week, but am still waiting on it to be shipped. I have a nice living room set (minus a entertainment center) that everyone is jealous of. I still need to buy plates (and such) and cookware. I have much more in mind for decoration, so I will probably remain broke for at least another month. I have also picked up a bunch of things that are not complete; like sheet set for a bed I don't have yet, curtains but no curtain rod, and other little things. It is kind of fun shoping for stuff to decorate the home, and make it more comfortable.

I have made at least one friend (James) that I like hanging out with. We laugh all day long and don't really do much. I carpool with him to work, even though I bought this huge old car. I am not embarrassed to drive the car, but I still need to get insurance and registration and all that junk. Not to mention that the brakes really suck, and I hate having to pray that the car is going to stop. lol

Work has picked up. We have actually started doing work. I actually stay busy for most of the workday now. That just makes the day go by so much faster. Plus, I get to show the guys that I know what I am doing. Which is important if I am to be leading them. I have about five more minutes before I have to be back, so I will wrap this up.

Uga! Miss our chats. Sorry. A computer is the first thing I am going to buy after I get my apt set up. Everyone else; I miss you guys too. I have been keeping up on your blogs, but unfortuantely I can't comment from work. Damn security! I read them and I want to comment but...no luck. So I am thinking about all of you. And everyone harass Mookie until she starts posting again. I worry about her when she hasn't written for too long.

OK, gotta run.

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|12:52| comments (12)

Thursday, 03 March 2005

35) I hate when people chew with their mouths open.

34) I hate ebonics, or any other defamation of the English language.

33) I love thrift store shopping

32) I have been in a play

31) I am an impulse buyer

30) I see right through propaganda

29) My love of reading started with pizza and Narnia

28) I love watches

27) I have never bought a video game sys

26) I love to watch widlife

25) I almost never yell in anger (can't remember the last time I did)

24) I hate religion, but believe that everyone should believe what ever makes them a better person

23) I would love to be a spy

22) I like my coffee with lots of sugar and a lil cream

21) I didn't start to write well until I was in the 9th grade, when I had to make up a Romeo & Juliet type story.

20) I am going to die around age 55, by my palm reading

19) that is alright by me, except that I want to see my chilren grow up, and the chances of me having kids soon is none to none.

18) I hate when someone does better than me

17) I like my hands. they are intelligent but slightly rough.

16) My mom once bought me a leather jacket, if I promised her that I would never paint my nails again. (I painted them silver, black, pink, glitter, whatever)

15) I dream in color

14) I am partially blind (Just found out a year ago

13) My drivers license has been expired since 2001!!!

12) I love peanut butter

11) The first time I was told I was gay was before I hit puberty. I wonder if I wasn't so stubborn if I would agree. lol

10) I am a movie GOD!

9) I fear purgatory

8) I have seen people die

7) I have grown so much in the last six years. I think my maturity is the same, but I have learned so much about life. lol, my maturity is high, btw

6) I love to cuddle in the middle of the day

5) I hate my curly hair

4) I love blonds in pink. Did I write that already?

3) I started to write poetry when I fell in love.

2) I hate being called a pimp almost as much as I hate being called Rico Suave

1) I love myself, but it is hard to live with myself sometimes.

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|00:49| comments (13)

I am feeling a lil better. No more nausia, fever, headache, cough, and disorientation.

I have been dreaming of Kristi, lately. Normally I have a dream about her once a year, but I have had like three in the past couple weeks. Last night was of her coming to visit and asking to stay. When I said she could stay at my place, she got really excited and even laughed at the passive way I suggested it. I was so happy, I knew that it had to be a dream. I didn't care. This time I just let myself enjoy it, although it quickly became another girl. I don't know who that girl was, she was similar, but not enough to be Kristi. I love her very much. Probably more than anyone I have ever known, but I should not be letting myself get carried away like this. I have always controlled myself better than this.

To answer a question from Uga, that I kind of ignored....

I did hit rock bottom. It was about the time I met you. It took me nearly five years to do it, but I did it. There was no lower that I could go. It was when I gave up the dream of marrying Krist. I realized that knowing that she would always be there for me was my life raft. I had to accept that our lives are so different that they will NEVER connect. As much as I love her, it would never work. When I let that go, I had no one left in my lfe that I cared for. I am not much farther up the barrel, but I am trying. That is why I originally titled this blog "My Journey To Happiness". It was the start of my new life.

I am drunk, and a lil mad now. Maybe just upset with how I could be so much happier if I just let myself. Something inside me is just keeping me down.

On a brighter note, I get my new apt friday. it is ugly on the outside, but clean on the inside, and when I am done with it, it will look amazing. I am thinking of getting one of those plasma TV's. It is like a grand but, hey, I can afford it. I saw a 27" today and was iching to buy it. Glad I don't have an apt already or I would be assembling it right now. That and the surround system that I have already decided to get. lol

I need sleep.

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|00:00| comments (5)