O.K.  I am drunk again.  But it is not what you think.  Well, maybe a little, but let me explan what I have been doing.  First; smokers are the MOST sociable people you will ever meet.   I have met quite a few people from smoking.  Second; drinkers are the next most sociable.  Tonight I went to the grand opening of the place where I have been drinking.  I was insanely packed.  Being a regular; I get head of the line privilages.  I found out the name of the bartender who drove me to DENNY's the other night; Melissa.  I also saw the birthday girl again.  Her name was Heather.  Apparently Heather has been talking about me because she remembered my name and her friend mentioned that she was talking about me.  So I hung out with them for a good bit.  She asked for my number and I gave it to them.  I apparently have a workout date with them for tomorrow. 

I talk to many people tonight.  I won't mention the guys, but I met a few who might come in handy for later.  I also met an older woman, who i talk to for a while.  At a bar; I will talk to anyone.  When I was done talking to her, one of the bartenders was talking about how "I got game" because of all the women I talk to tonight.  Oh, did I mention that Heather was BI?  Yeah, I attract only the gay and lesbian.  Other than that, I never get hit on.  I never mentioned the fifty year old perv who was hitting on me in Cali.  I could totally understand if someone thought I was gay though.  My closest friends are!  My cousin Frank, and my best friend Kristi.  So I could see how my acceptable attitude could be construde.  wow, big word!  Did I spell it right? 

Anyways, I have had a good few days.  It hasn't rained and the weather has been absolutely beautiful!  I met a few people who are really nice, and maybe even friend worthy.  I met a girl that I think is very nice, and her personality is just perfect.  We even discussed books and such for a while.  A definite plus for her.  Unfortunately she works on the same boat and is nowhere near my paygrade.  Anyone familar with fratenization knows my concerns.

On a totally different note, that I have been wanting to write about, ......I forget.  It was totally intelectual though!  I guess drinking does make you dumber, or stupider as my IQ dictates.

Fuck me I can't spell!

I finished the last of the Dan Brown books and started another book by Ludlum.  The BOURNE IDENTITY guy.  I found out that the boat gives away FREE paperback novels.  That is great!  I was tired of buying them.  I usually only buy hardback, but circumstances don't allow for the storage of them.  I can't wait to find the next one.  For anyone who reads often, when you stopp it is a total culture shock.  Yo uget thrown back into reality and it is a little dissorientating.  In case you haven't realized; I totally immurse myself into a book and don't breathe until I am done.  I assume the identity of the character and live the story.  I guess that is why I read so often.  To escape reality.

To answer you question UGA:  I have realized that there is something in my life that is not right.  As happy as I may try to be, there is an unlining depression.  A depression that has been with me for a long time.  As I wrote the "100 things about me"  I realized it.  I have to figure out what it is before I brake.  If I can't fix it then it wil consume me in a fashion that I will never know that it is there.  I have a suspesion as to what it is, but refuse to accept it.  I tend to think that I am better than all things mortal.  I know that is a little egotistical, but hey, I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't believe that I could do anything that I pleased.

I am rambling now and I know it.  It is hard to remember what I was just talking about which is just how I want it.  There are things I don't want to deal with at the moment.  I push them away, but sometime they have a tendency to show up.      Today, we had a indoc with our Chaplain.  That is sort of the religious person.  A person to highly respect, because it is a self-less job in which the only reward is helping others.  He talked about suicide.  I almost cried.  I had to tune him out.  I would NEVER committ suicide, but often I wonder what is the point in living.  To be honest, I have done everything but have a family.  I often feel that life is pointless, and that I can't change what is wrong with the world.  the only thing I can do is accept how things are, and live with it.  I think I would end my life if I didn't have such hope for the future.  That and if Krist committed suicide I would be devestated.  So I would never do that to her.  As I hope that she wouldn't do it to me.  I think that is the only reason that keeps me living.

WOW, this turned out so different from what I thought it would at lunch time.  So negative.  I hate being naegative.  When I was in the seventh grade a teacher told me I was negative and I didn't understand, so I looked it up.  It took me another four years to understand what she meant.  I hate negativity.  I try so hard in life to be positive, but sometimes, the negativity just has to come out or it will just rot out your insides.

Ok, that wasn't much more positive!  Let's try a joke.........

Your momma so nasty......I gave her a call the other day to see how she was doing.....

the bitch gave me an ear infection!

Ok, that was bad, so I am just going to bed.  Night.  And wish JASON BOURNE good luck.  It looks like he needs it.

Rico

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|00:48| comments (4)

Wednesday, 26 January 2005

 Amazing ly I am drunlk.

I so wanted to just sleep today.  I got a headache though.  For anyone who has got a bad headache before,; it is impossible to go to sleep with one.  I decided to drink instead.  I went to the bowling alley and drank.  A little while after being there, a group of girls walked up.  The birthday girl started talking to me.  I felt like ababysiter.  Her friends quickly got her drunk and left her with a stranger (ME).    I told her that she needed to slow dowen on her drinking and take it easy, but it was toooo late.  She was GONE.  It was cute that she doesn't drink much.  AND that I had to coach her though the spinning.  She asked me my name and I got hers (but I don't remember it now).

Then I bowlesd another horrible round.  NO matter how hard I concentrarted, I could not get the score I wanted. 

Las t night I had many vivid dreams.  I dreamnt that I was a spy (like normal), I had a nightmare that woke me up, and I had a girl reappear several times who just mystifies me.  She had dark hair and green eyes.  GREEN EYES!!!  I like brown eyes!  Her captivated e though.  It is embarrassing to mention the whole story but she was the main thought. 

I am tired.  Luckily I have to be at work by 8 instead of 7.  That means that I can sleep in an hour an then go to McDonalds's for breakfast.  YAY ME!  Good nigh5t.

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|00:01| comments (6)

Saturday, 22 January 2005

 I amn drunk. So no corecctions.

JILL, if you are reading this; I miss you.  I was skeptical at first.  I knew the past between you two and thought that my friend deserved better.  BUT he thought you deserved another chance and who was I to say no?  Cheech is one person whose judgeement I can alwasy trust.  You ended up being everything he said you were.  I know he is probably out to sea now, so tell him that I miss him will ya? 

I went bowling tonight.  I sucked.  I average about a 130.  Let's say that I normally get that around the third or fourth game.  That is how long it takes me to warm up and get drunk enough to play.  Tonight the first three games where under a hundred and the next two were about my starting point.  I got to know the bartender a lil though.  Good thing too, because I wil prolly be there tomorrow.

I drank two pitchers and started a third before I realized thast i was fucked up.  I gave away the rest and ordered a long island ice tea.  Smart, right?  I spilled that drink all over me and then ordered another..

This week i have read the rest  of the Anita BLake Book and then a old Dan Brwon book.  I bought another of his books today, because I like his style.

I would be at DENNY"S right now if  I had a ride.  But since I don't I will just stare at Mandy Moore.  She is so beautiful.  That is why she is my number 1.Follwed by a close second....Jessica Alba.  Both are just perfect. 

I ramble too much.

good night

Rico

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|02:02| comments (10)

Friday, 14 January 2005

 Well I am finally all checked into my new command.  It is a rather large place.  There are sooo many kids on board.  You know, the twenty-one and under.  I forgot what it was like to be around people that young.  I usually hang out with older people or at least the more mature.  It is like hanging out in the Boys Locker Room.  Sometimes they say something funny but for the most part they are boring.  My supervisor seems pretty laid back.  Apparently I am going to be supervising the worker bees.  Not sure I like the idea of baby sitting.  I think I prefer to just do the work myself.  The food is food; not good, but not bad.  I walk up and down about ten thousand steps a day.  I have to go up and down about five flights of stairs, several times a day.  I guess I will be losing that weight weather I like it or not.  Oh, and the race is on Butterfly.  I think I am going to win, though.  DANTE, thanks for the offer but I know what I need to do.  I need to stop eating out so much.  I lose fifteen just from that.

I am looking for an apartment right now, and a car.  I have to find one in 55 days so that I can get a dislocation allowance which is a little over fifteen hundred.  i have to get my taxes done soon. 

This is a three day weekend and I have nothing to do.  I will be hanging out on base.  I will probably post a few times.  I am working on "100 things about ME."  I am at about fifty right now. 

Thank all of you for your support, and thoughts.  it means a lot.

Oh, and great news!  I am over the constant sexual thoughts.  Nothing like a boat full of guys to get rid of your libido, or mine anyways.  There are women on the boat, a lot actually, but work is not the place to find a girlfriend.

I have been down lately, but luckily work is enough of a distraction to keep my mind off of it.

I read the first few Anita Blake stories.  Much better than the later ones.  I see how it could get addictive.  If only she wouldn't repeat so much.  Oh, and SHORTLITTLEHOTTIE, you need to meet different guys!  I know many guys who read.  And guess what?  They are usually nice guys, too!.  As long as the are not reading those crazy SCI-FI books.  Stay away from those wierdos.

Well, I can't think of anything else to write right now so I guess I will go catch up on some of your blogs.  Damn that is going to be a lot of reading!

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|16:02| comments (14)

Saturday, 01 January 2005

It is almost the New Year! Who cares? I know I don't. What I do care about is that MY birthday is in three days!!! Yay for broken rubbers! What am I saying? I bet my mom never even thought of using a rubber. lol, Thank God for all those women too dumb for their own good. O.K. Maybe I am being a bit rough on her. I realized on this trip though that she is an abstract idea for me. As much as I would love to care for her in those after school special sort of ways; I don't. She is just a woman to me. A woman who is very nice to me, and out of politeness I extend her the same courtesy. Enough about this.

I read the LINDA K. HAMILTON books that I have. I even went out and bought two more in the series. I don't like her writing that much. It is very......juvenille. She repeats herself over and over again, and spends WAY too much time on what her characters are wearing. I mean, who gives a shit what they are wearing, really? Just get to the important stuff, will ya!!!? Another reason that I don't like her ANITA BLAKE (Vampire Hunter Series) is that it has way too much sex in it. I think I have read erotic stories with less sex than her books. Maybe it is that fact that I haven't been able to think about much besides sex for the last month. I feel worse than when I was in High School!!! I don't think I have ever thought about sex this much in my life, and it seriously irritates me. I hate not being in control. Anyways, books are suppose to take my mind off of sex for a while, not make me think of it! The books also borderline physcotic. It is not healthy to throw my mind into that setting. So why then did I go out and buy two more of her books??? Because I am a creature of habit. If I start something, I have to finish it. I can't read two of the twelve that she has written; I have to read all tweleve. GOD I hate that! Why can't I just say fuck it? I do that with realationships too. Get involved knowing that it won't work, but garsh darn it, I just have to see how it ends!

Neeew subject:

I will be adding some........personality to my blog. Namely, my other personalities. No one is perfect right? I have a few darker, more evil sides to me that I have never shown on here. Not for lack of trying, but I usually get over those sides pretty quickly, and forget to write about it. I can be rational to the point of evil. I tend to see the LONG run of things, which means that I care very little for human life. But all of this is for a later day.

Christmas sucked. I woke up about noon, and was asleep by about eight. I saw an ex girlfriend. Gave her a Xmas gift. It was funny. I gave her a small gift bag with coal. Everyone thought it was funny but her. I let her sulk for a while then gave her the real gifts. I think it made the gifts seem that much better. She so wasn't expecting the other gifts. It was funny to see her hesitate when I told her that the big gift bag was the rest of the ten pound bag of coal. I am such a stinker. I haven't seen Kristi yet. I don't think I want to either. Not because of her, but my self esteem is a lil low and I just don't feel like letting her see me like this.

Which bringgs me to my new years resolution. Lose the weight I gained in the last six months. Thirty pounds for you nosey people. Thirty pounds is a lot to gain in six months and I can feel its effects. I feel horribly unhealthy. Umm, I think that is my only resolution, everything else is great.

When I stopped in Seattle for my layover I stayed at the Hilton........because I couldn't remember the name of the hotel that I made a reservation at. Stupid me. It was nice though. It had one of them revolving round resturant thingys. I was one of three lucky diners.(thats my way of saying that no one was there). It had a 24 hour Jacuzzi!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately, my swin trucks where still flying in from Atlanta. Damn Delta!

I am going to stop now because I jsut realized that I am drunk, and i shouldn't be writint anymmore. AndI forgot to give Tara my phone number before I left. I miss her. only 47 more minutes until the NEEW YEaar!!!! I am so excited. Night!

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|02:10| comments (9)