That night we played more drinking games. And as I meantioned, I never play them much, which results in me drinking a lot. My normal drink limit is around eight or nine, any more and I am wasted. Like I said I drank most of what I brought, which I thought would be for all of us. Long story short, Angie and I spent most of the night getting to know eachother. At several points in the conversation, I remember thinking, "No!" There were so many things that said "Run!" I even told my self to remember this, "Fear a woman who knows her perscription medicine." But I am stupid.

We were the last two drinking, and the talk became more intimate. Not sexual, although it did at times, but as in how close we were to each other. I told her that she isn't very difficult to understand, and she said, "OK, what am I thinking then?" I said I couldn't tell her, but if I knew her for a longer time I could easily tell her her own thoughts. Then she pulled a guy move! She said, "I know what you're thinking." So I fell for it, and said, "What?" She leans in to whisper it to me, so I lean in too. Then she starts kissing my ear, which lead to us making out. She stopped and asked if that was it. I just laughed and said no. I honestly wasn't thinking about it. But since I asked so many times the night before she probably thought that was all I was thinking about. When I like a girl though, sex rarely comes in to play during normal conversation. We continued making out for the rest of the night. At around 630am I decided that I had to go. I had to at least shower before work, even if I was going to still be wasted. So I go to kiss her goodbye, and she attacks me. I think she thought I was doing something else (besides saying goodbye). I had to make a quick decsion, "How much trouble am I going to get in?" Well, I am well liked at work, and since I work with mostly guys, I was sure they would understand. And I was right. They pretty much threw me a party when I got to work! But I get ahead of myself. I finally left at 9am when she passed out, and ran home. My roommate showed up shortly after to give me a ride to work. I showered and left. I completely forgot that I had DUTY that day. Which means that everyone was looking for me, not just my immediate coworkers. Luckily I still didn't get into too much trouble.

Slept when I got home, until the next day. Had duty again the next day. Got home late, called her. That was aqkward. Made a sorta date for Wednesday, since Thursday was a holiday. Wednesday- had duty for most of the day! Three days in a row really sucks! Get home and eventually go over to her apt. She was dressed up. I didn't realize she wanted to go "out". It was really cute. I know she doesn't wear makeup often, but she did that night. The only things to note about that night were the comments made. I was walking outside when I heard her say to a friend, "But I am leaving and he is staying here." To which her friend replied, "Awww, that's sweet!" Knowing what I know about Angie, her saying something sweet must mean a lot. Then later in the night, Katie asked her who her best guy in bed was. There was an awkward pause then, "Well......He is stationed here...." and Katie said, "That's enough, tell me later." I don't know if either of those comments where said with me in mind and it drove me crazy trying to figure it out. Everyone passed out that night, so I went home. Was asleep by 4am Thursday morning. I didn't wake up again until 530am Friday morning. Went to workout, went to work, got off went to going away luncheon, went to Jacksonville.

Will finish after I get back form the bar, tonight.

I am now drunk, which is better for the reader, because, now I spill my guts. That means those of you who don't want to hear about certain aspects about me should stop now. This means you MOOKIE. I will be mentioning sex in some detail, so please stop.

There was something about the sex that I forgot to mention, but is very important. Ordinarily, when I have sex, it is in the third person. That sounds funny, but let me explain. I detach myself form the act, and watch myself, analyize what is happening. It puts me in control, weather I am the dominant one or not. It also detaches me from the person. Most of the women I have been with were carefully chosen, so that no feeling would be hurt, and no relationship could develop. You get that breif history lesson, because it effects my next statement. I lost myelf in the feeling. I dwelled in the connection and didn't want it to end. That was a mistake. After that is when all of the emotions came. She gave me a brief connection that I had missed for too long. Not sex, but the feeling you get when you have sex with someone you love. I didn't/don't love her, but at the time, I let myself feel it. And now I feel a bit lost.

All that being said, lets get to the problems. She is still married. Says she is getting a divorce, but that doesn't matter because she leaves on Teusday. She has three kids, and I think at least one is from a different dad, if I remember correctly. That wouldn't bother me so much, except...I don't know, it doesn't help my chances? It took me four days, after having sex with her, to even figure out if she like me. And last but not least, there is no future between us. We are far too different.

Here is another problem that you may have forgot about. Remember two posts ago? When I was wondering weather or not to love? That was about a different woman. One I have been friends with for a while, and have grown to deeply care about. We had talked of taking the relationship past friendship, and that was what the post was about. I think I ruined that now. Funny thing was that I knew I would. I can't let myself have someone. It would be to nice, and way more than I feel I deserve. When it comes to love, I do not have the confidence I have in other aspects of my life. I am constantly stopping relationships before they ever start. She has made it clear to me that I am lucky to still have her friendship, and for that I am grateful.

Last night I was supose to go to Gainsville, Fl. Didn't happen. Got drunk in Jacksonville. Then Angie called me. Said that she wanted me to come see her. It was then that I finally figured out if she liked me. I could almost swear she was going to tell me that she loved me. She was really drunk though, so even if it was what she had said I don't think she meant it. I do that some times. I mean to say I could love you, not I love you, lol. It is true. So I call Kristi, Dee's girlfriend, to give me a ride home. For those of you who have been reading long enough, you know why that is such an awful thing. Her car breaks down in Jacksonville, and long story short, it took four hours to get home when it should have taken forty minutes. Angie was now wasted and half pasted out, so I went to bed.

Today, was productive. I did a lot of things that needed to be done around the house. Sandra (my first girlfriend) called me and told me she was mad at me for not saying goodbye the last time I left home. She said, "Didn't you notice that I wasn't calling?" I thought I wasn't calling her! I was/am mad at her for pretty much saying that I wasn't important enough to spend time with. And she wanted a goodbye??? Fuck her! Anyways, went to the bar. As soon as I get in, this girl is all over me. She is hitting on me and being pretty straight forward about it. I just kept thinking, "You have got to be kidding me! Like I need more women to think about right now?" I played along and let her feel liked, but made sure that I said noting about liking her. Very tricky to do. Then went to Huddle House for what? That's right, a gross omlette, a waffle, and some chili! Oh now I enjoy my chili!

None of this makes any sense does it?