*My Journey To Happiness*

Wednesday, 27 October 2004

So I "fixed" my template as you can see. Thank you soo much Uga. lol. I really do appreciate the help though. I don't know why you are so nice to me, but I thank you. You are a good friend. Hope we chat soon.

Last week-- I recieved my "Sailor of the Quarter" award. That was great. Must remember to send home to mom. Meant to talk about that a while ago, but forgot with the whole giving up on humanity thing.

This week--- YESTERDAY: I came home around four thirty. Started watching TV, and the next thing I know I am in bed. I woke up this morning in bed and my room light was still on, and so was the TV. I don't remember going to bed. I remember trying to decide what I wanted for dinner. Apparently, a co-worker even stopped by to pick up a number. He walked around the house and was calling for me, but I never woke up. I guess I was dead tired. TODAY: I was bored, so I went shopping! Bought a few CDs by the next big thang, my favorite romance movie (What Dreams May Come)(the only movie I know to go beyond death)(besides "Night of the Living Dead 3"), and three more books to add to the waiting list. "The Wedding" by Nicholas Sparks, "Narcissus in Chains" by Laurell K. Hamilton, "The Princess Bride" by S. Morgenstern. THE PRINCESS BRIDE! I love the movie. It is one of my all time favorites.

More talking with the cute girl at work. Discovered that she has four tattoos! I never considered she might have tattoos.

Well, I better start laundry, night all.

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|20:36| comments (8)

Monday, 25 October 2004

Chapped Lips and Other Things

I sit next to her nervously,

wanting to get closer,

but too afraid to move.

Something is fumbling out of my mouth;

some dumb joke I once heard.

I know it was stupid,

even before I said it,

but she laughed anyways.

Once again,

my old thoughts creep back in,

overridding all other thoughts.

Are my lips chapped?

Is my breath o.k.?

Am I wearing enought cologne?

Too much cologne?

Does she want to???

If she's nervous she hides it well,

and I know I am running out of time.

I start to shake a little,

and I pray she doesn't notice.

As I move closer,

I can almost hear her objection,

but she doesn't say anything.

She only stares at me,

giving me that cute little smile,

almost as if she can read my mind.

I lean over,

put my arms around her,

and stop for one brief glance into her eyes.

My lips touch hers,

and I cna't believe it's finally happened.

Her lips are soft, and I savor this moment of connection.

We stop,

for a little while anyways,

and she asks me,

"Are my lips chapped?"

I laugh,

and tell her no,

Then return to claim another kiss.

I wrote this for how I felt when I was dating Kristi, back when we were kids. None of this really happened, lol. The real story might even be more entertaining, lol.

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|20:03| comments (2)

How the Sun Loves the Moon

I illuminate your world,

through your reflection I see my own briliance.

Your slow rotation shows me every valley and scar,

but only shows me only one side at a time of your heavenly body.

Solar winds are all I can send,

to warm your cold surface.

This is the last poem I wrote for Kristi. I have a tattoo of a sun(me), a moon(Kristi), and a star(the one I wish on). Many of my poems use thes referances.

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|19:51| comments

Running Thoughts

Action who's only purpose is to feel,

but only course is regret

and further sedation.

Soak me,

destroy me,

and cleanse the guilt from my soul.

I just put this together out of the single line thoughts I sometime write down to remember a topic for later.

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|19:42| comments (1)

Staring At The Stars

I stand in my own grave,

daring the rain to touch me,

but embracing it's defiance.

The dirt turns to mud,

making the climb difficult,

but all I can see are the stars.

This, I wrote back in last christmasish time frame. It was when I hit rock bottom. I even showed it to some friends. They said, "How sad." I never showed it to anyone else again. They completely misunderstood it. Yes, it describes a low in my life, but more importantly, it describes me getting away from the sadness. I was ready to finally let myself be happy. This is my dedication to that turning point.

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|19:37| comments (1)

The Hardest Way

I look into your sad brown eyes,

and give you my best outward smile,

but deep down,

I can't help but wonder...

...where you really are?

I see you before me,

but you're not really there at all,

and as I think how alike we once were,

I can't help but wonder...

...if you feel the same way?

As you smile back,

I imagine a flicker of happiness in your eyes,

and though I lost you long ago,

I can't help but wonder...

...if there's still a chance?

Month's come and go,

but the pain always remains,

and the more I feel crushed,

I can't help but wonder...

...if it will ever go away?

I think back on us,

and the closeness we shared,

but as I reminise,

I can't help but wonder...

...if I will ever find someone like you again.

All it takes is to hear your name,

and I find myself fighting back tears,

and as I sadly realize it gets easier daily,

I can't help but know...

...never will there be another like you.

I wrote this in honor of my best friend in High School, Joe. We were inseperable...until we got girlfriends. I don't know how things had changed so much, but the friendship was gone.

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|19:25| comments (1)

Sexy

The smile of a woman,

in it's complete sincerity,

is the sexiest part of the body.

Her pale pink lips,

enhanced by subtle dimples,

shape the perfect figure.

When she laughs,

her eyes shy away,

and I find myself lost.

The sound,

so delicate and pure,

is the only thing I can hear.

She cries out,

silently with her movements,

inticing me with her grace.

She is innocently feminine,

yet so strong,

and absolutely irresistable.

I was sitting in my Child Development class senior year when I saw this girl who I loved to watch. I had a girlfriend at the time so I would never talk to her, but I was good friends witht the teacher and use to tell her all about it. So I wrote this that day in class for that unknown beauty. Some of it was adjusted later, as most of my poems, to refine it. I added a new stanza today. There are parts that I added too for Kristi, noteablely the dimples. I told ya UGA that I fall in love everyday, just most of the time I never let the girl know, lol.

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|19:14| comments (1)

A Time To Come

Why do I sense tough times ahead,

like the end of the world,

or maybe just me?

I can feel a time of depression coming,

and when I need love the most,

no one will be there for me.

Stage 1

The time has come,

no more fun,

a choice must be made.

My life is ending,

yet it is only the begining,

what will I do?

Everyone expects something,

everyone wants something,

what will I give?

For me,

for them,

for who?

A Time To Realize

A year has gone by

that I live this lie.

That time is here,

exposing my fear.

I need to share my heart,

but no one was there from the start.

I wrote these over about a three year period. The first was my junior year of High School. The middle one was senior year. And the last was a year after I joined the Navy. (five years ago now)

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|18:55| comments (1)

Sunday, 24 October 2004

I have made a decision that I am not a "MAN." Nor do I care to be. When I think of what it is to be a "MAN" it pisses me off. I could say that I am from another time, but men have always been assholes. Even when men where gentlemen they were still different from what I am. Thanks to WritersQuill, I have decided to renouce my citizenship to mankind. I don't want to be a man, or a human. I am Rico. No less but maybe more.

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|01:44| comments (1)

Saturday, 23 October 2004

Why must it be so different for men than women?

Yesterday was Friday. Every Friday I sleep. Even though I didn't mean to sleep, I did. Around 8pm, a coworker woke me up and asked if I wanted to go out. I told him I would meet him around ten. I was expecting to go out for a few drinks and a good time. About fifteen minutes after I get to the bar, a girl (Liz) comes up and starts talking to me. I am friendly with her, but not overly. Then my coworker asks if I am hitting on her? I tell him "no," but she seems nice. Then comes the "hook-up" Everyone starts telling me what she says, and I am sure that they are telling her what I say. I just didn't want to sleep with her. I am so tired of "one-night stands." I just want to find someone to love. Is that so wrong??? Apparently in this crowd it was. Since I would not talk to her I must be "gay." I even tired. I was willing to throw away my feelings to just apease them. The girl didn't care, she just wanted sex. I knew that I wouldn't hurt her feelings if it was a one night stand (which is a part of the checklist), but I was the one who said no. Ok, I didn't actually say "NO", but I did everything I could to let this girl know that I didn't want it. She was a very cute girl, and maybe in a different emotional state, I would have said yes, but tonight, I needed something more than sex. The words I have written will never explain what I felt tonight. Everyone was against me. I was the one who was wrong. I should be trying to sleep with that girl. I was not a "man." I really just wanted to cry at the lack of understanding. Eventually she left, and I "missed out." I drove home (even though I was too drunk to drive) because I didn't want to be there anymore. I didn't want to talk to them.

This is one of the many reasons I hate being a MAN. People don't understand that sex isn't the only thing a man wants. If I were a woman, they would say "How sweet." but since I am a Man, they say, "He's a fag"

Goddamn it! I even considered just giving up control of the car, and crashing in some ditch, but that is too selfish. I could never do that to those I love.

Fuck this topic.

Walking Alone On This Endless Road*|03:55| comments (3)